Ani Was Writing

  "And he says, 'Now, let's go tackle the sandcastle and give it a big hug!'"   "Good idea!"   "No, don't do that! You'll squish all the people in the sandcastle!"   "It will be fine. We aren't going to destroy anything."   "Yes you will!"   "No we won't!"   "Yes!"   "No!"   Suddenly, the sandcastle find itself as piles of dust. An unwanted force stomps it feet into it, sending material into the air along with screaming.   "Hey! That's not fair!"   The young boy stares at the pair of girls holding their strange toys. He sees the little boy next to them. "Is this any fun for you?"   "Yeah! Especially when I get to play with this doll!" The little boy holds up a figure of an old man painted haphazardly with dull orange paint.   "Oh... alright. Whatever. Just don't play all day with these two. We have plans after lunch!"   "Yeah, ...

 "Nothing get in the way of your vision of yourself in the future." - A Fortune Cookie ~   This got me thinking.    It carries some truth. There is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy to this idea. Whatever you think you will be, then you will get it in a way, whether expected or not. Even if you think you can't, somehow you will reach that point in your life. The funny (or perhaps sad) part is then how you end up where you will be.    Now, can you get in the way of your own vision of yourself in the future?   On one hand, sure. You have some control over your future. You can change your entire future on a whim. You can decide to do things that have no grounding in your current situation. You can burn everything down and pursue those wild impulses that you've had.    On the other hand, what you think you are doing out of freewill might be the "vision of yourself in the future" the cookie is referring to. Maybe what you thought was a random ch...

 "So, why are we your diplomats?"   I glance up at Amethyst and Gen as they stand to the side of my desk. My mind ebbs out of its Minecraft rabbit hole. It is not a question I was expecting. "I mean, isn't it sort of obvious?    "Sort of?" Amethyst winces. "That is not a specific answer though."   "In a way, it is." Gen answers. They exchange a look and I return to my building in Minecraft. My mind still eavesdrops on them. "She is not wrong. Think about who else could be a diplomat."   "You mean, if neither of us would or could?" Amethyst clarifies. "That would mean Ora and Renegade. Oh yeah. They would be..."   "Not the best choices. Funny choices, given their character and mannerisms, but ultimately poor choices."   "Definitely. Could you imagine Ora -blood and fire assassin extraordinaire- trying to rule?"   Gen laughs in her more regal way. "And what about Renegade and that mora...

   My life is slowly coming back to its vividness. I am doing my best to find a routine as a lot of my daily routine (like my job) is coming back. I really hope this signals the return of progress for me.    I say this because the next few days will be a test of my discipline and my routine. I gave myself the first week of the year to let my mind switch gears and allow for some 2020 closure. Though I may need more time for that closure to continue, I also need to shit my focus to actually get stuff done instead of just thinking and mentally doing things. It feels like a transition I usually have after being really sick.   I really hope that anyone else who is transitioning like this has an easier time. I hope for that a lot. Cause I cannot imagine how anyone else could handle the slog I'm treading through.    On a side note, I'm hoping to revamp my video uploads to YouTube. I really need to get that accountability going again. The visual reminder might...

   2020 tried to wreck me, yet I made it through. Maybe you share that same sentiment. Now looking at the mess my life left behind, it is time to pick up the pieces and clean out my space. Here are my things I think can help me by the end of June: Find a new routine for life - With everything that happened in 2020, the one that didn't stick was a solid routine. I may not be able to keep a strict day-in, day-out schedule, but to have routines set up would be beneficial to me. Round out my 2021 balancing - I have always struggled with giving time to people or things I want. I really need to sit down and decide who or what is important to me and make time for that. Express myself! - Despite what may come across online, I am not very good at expressing how I feel. Hopefully I can find new ways to explore and express my feelings.   There is a lot here for me. Each of these things feels big and sort of intimidating to me right now. Hopefully I can look back at this list in a ...