Ani Was Writing

 Hello friends!      I am still recuperating from Christmas, but at least my hands feel better enough to make a properly formatted post.      I managed to get all my crochet gifts done. All the Christmas dolls for my family got done right on Christmas morning. Then I made it through breakfast with 15 other people in my house. After they all left, my sleep-deprived brain crashed for seven hours.      What I have learned in 2022 is this: If I go to bed after not sleeping for a long time, I get a migraine. A bad migraine.      So I woke up with enough of a migraine to only have crackers for my Christmas dinner. It was okay though; my mother and I decided to postpone our Christmas dinner for the day after. After the crackers agreed to stay in my stomach and not leave my body, I took some medicine and went to bed.     For another ten hours.      But yeah, Christmas was great. I got some things that...

 I am never going to do this again. My hands are sore, but I know I need to write something. So Merry Christmas. And -if my family is reading this- I may not make homemade gifts for a while.  It takes a lot of energy, and most of the time I don't manage my work or time well.  So ... yeah... I'm tired, but I still have so much to do.  I'll talk to you all later.  Merry Christmas.

 Hey there!     I was listening/half-watching more cleaning videos to help me focus on my own work. I know, it's kind of odd, but somehow it works for my brain. I still have yet to figure it out.      But while I'm at it, I have a few more things I've been questioning when I do give myself a brief moment to actually watch them.  Why do they have so much stuff? Granted, I'm watching this around Christmas, but still! They have so many random possessions! There is so much going on to the point where some of them hurts my eyes. Especially the ones with makeup vanities! Or whole sections of their bathroom with enough brushes to paint canvases! I honestly can't believe they need that much.  What is with the aesthetic of these people's houses? I really don't understand the complete ecstasy that is a plain colored room with plain decorations and furniture. Maybe it is where I live or what my particular family is like, but our rooms either have a more colo...

 Well, now I'm in the middle of December, and this is already turning into a chaotic end of my year.      First, I need to get through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I promised some presents two years ago, and my silly butt didn't finish all of them. It's going to be a long couple of days.  Secondly, I need to get my stuff cleaned up before New Year's Eve. My desk is so messy right now, mostly with crochet yarn and notebook stuff. So I will really need to get all the things done.       I'm not sure what is in store for me for 2023. My vision is a little narrow right now, between all of the things I'm trying to get done. We'll have to see where things go.      My apologies in advance for all of the short posts coming in and the ones in the past. It's just a crazy part of the year but I don't want to neglect at least letting you all know that I was thinking about you. I hope you all have a wonderful December, and I'll see you o...

 It's done. Finally.      Well, as done as it is going to get. There is a lot that could be added, and there is a lot that is missing from the draft. But that is what future editing is for.      Speaking of editing, that is what I will be spending a lot of my December doing. Editing not only Eventide, but looking at all four novels to see whether or not the idea I had to keep them together in the same part of the timeline or not. I am only debating this because of how much work I have put in and how much trouble it is to put all four of the stories in the same part. So that will be on the list of considerations that I have over the course of December while I'm editing.      Other than that, 2023 is looking like a lot of smaller works are going to be written. I don't know if they will have any connection to this stuff, but we'll see.      In the meantime, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a celebrated New Year!...

      Well... so much for my grand plan, eh?     As you may (or -probably- may not)  have noticed, I only did one stream this past week: Monday morning on YouTube. Otherwise, I dropped off the face of the earth this week.      Why? No idea.      My best guess is that my body was super tired and needed some serious rest. I have a funny feeling it was due to my work situation and some other stressors in my life at this point. But hey, at least I can admit to problems at this point.      My apologies for the lack of streams. Hopefully, I will be able to make up for it in the days to come, and especially in 2023. Elyon's Love and Strength, Animus ~ NaNoWriMo Word Count (as of today): 8500

    "That's it. What's done is done."     I stare down at my phone, wondering why it had to be this way. Years of a friendship now basically cast into memory and an archive that I wish could continue. I stare up at Arthur. He stares back down at me, waiting to see what I do. I feel the pain flow out of me: my body is numb, my mind is blank, but my heart aches. I've been trying to deny that this could be the path but it is; I can see that now. "Why did this have to be the path?"     "You think this was supposed to be an easy path? That you would get everything you wanted, including the small hope of being with him?" Arthur smirks. "No. That is not the path. The path you are heading to has better things."     "I thought he was the better thing!" I scream. I feel my body shake with the rage and the hurt as I get up. Arthur takes a deep breath. "I thought it would be better with him in my life more often! I thought it would...

     I was thinking about something I never thought I would question.      Earlier this week, I found myself staring out the window and wondering whether or not optimism was a delusion. I wasn't feeling down or anything of that nature. It was just something I was thinking about while I was at work.      Optimism -at its most extreme forms- feels delusional. It makes some people seem like absolutely nothing bad or "wrong" will happen to them, even if their current situation is disastrously unfortunate. Everything will eventually be sunshine and rainbows for them, with or without their contribution. To all of that, I stamp a big "X to doubt." Sure, things can get better, even without your direct contribution. But to go about life thinking you have no control over how you can contribute to things would be a lie. At the end of the day, you have to contribute to your own fulfillment and contentment, whether directly or indirectly. Life does n...

      Why do I bother trying to plan things with a part of my family that are -according to my sister- "last minute wingers?"     Personally, I like to plan things. If I am having a party or some other type of get-together, I like to have an idea of who I invited, where I'm going to be, what time everyone is meeting, and what we are going to do. Depending on the event/get-together/whatever, I need to have the proper supplies with me to make sure everything flows and there are limited disruptions.      Apparently, for part of my family, this all can be thrown into the trash and stomped on for good measure.      To give a brief idea of what happened: There was a party that we had today. Very nice party planned, the venue was already picked out, and there was a time and date set in place. Great. But that was all there was.       Did we have a time to meet and figure out what needed to be done before the party starte...

      Well, it's time.     I'm staring at my notebook, ready to see what fresh batch of story I can spin.     But now, there is more to deal with.      "Are you sure you are ready to take another crack at my origins again, Sanctus Scriptor?" Amethyst asks.      I pause and stare at her. She has been through a lot since she erupted into my world as I started my university experience. It took a long time for me to realize that her role was so crucial to my future spiritual journey. I know I haven't delved into all of her ability and her character, but I hope to explore it more as the month goes on.      "Yes." I answer, "Yes, I am."

      The screams cascade over me. The prey suffers; I delight in it.      This particular prey is horrified. This isn't there first time here; it's just there first time on this side of the hunt. I scan the maze again and see the flowing outline of their cowering form. This makes me feel even more manic than I already am. I slither my way toward him and hear his screams caress my ears. It isn't long before he sees me. "Who are-?" I throw a dagger straight into his left thigh. Through his agony, I can hear the metal tear through flesh and graze bone. "Wai, this dagger. Have you been the one hunting in me this-?"     "In this Oblivion?" I chuckle. He nods frantically. "Yes. You are correct. I have been."     "Why?" He screams.     I grin at his frantic state. "You hurt someone I care deeply about. One who gave me a reason to stay alive beyond my mortal coil."     "Who could I have hurt-?" I throw another d...

      Being at a party when you've been all alone at home most of the day is weird to me. What I thought would be a pleasant, wonderful day now becomes a meh day because of one unexpected outing. I need to figure out why I feel like this. I thought it was past this situation.  ~     I tried to continue this thought, but then something unexpected happened. Something important.      I will share it another time. But right now, I need to figure out what to do with this new revelation I've gotten.      On a sidenote, I hope that you all are doing well. November is fast approaching, and with that, the start of a new Writing Month! I can't wait to start the last 2022 project up. In the meantime... I have a lot of editing to do...

 There is a lot to do.  I have a bit of a schedule to maintain for my new revolution around the sun. A lot of me just wants to die and disappear like it does after my birthday. But a new spark has come; one of a drive to get things done and resolved. One that needs to complete everything I have. One that needs to heal my mental and emotional wounds. One that wants to right all the wrongs I've done to myself. It is time; that's all this new spark says.  I guess it's time to follow it and see where it takes me.

      The pain is a lot to bear.      Arthur comes into my room to see me crumpled on the floor, my phone dashed on the other side. He rushes to get me to sit up. "Ani. Ani! Look at me. What-?" Before he can ask the rest of his question, he sees the red in my eyes, the darkness of my tears, and the scratches against the sides of my neck. "What happened?"     "He said he would come, didn't he?" I whisper, "He said he couldn't wait."     "Who-?"     "Your fucking Otito!" I scream, throwing a frenzied hand gesture to my phone. My heart shatters again as I think about my pain again. Arthur goes to my phone and unlocks it. The messages pop up instantly from his Otito, D.I.A. Arthur scrolls to see the last messages from him: [Oh. Sweet. My office. Drop it off at my office for sure. Can't wait!!! Thank you sooooo much, Ani!] He scrolls down more to see my last message and reads it. I can feel Arthur's rage and curl up...

This is my last post in my 20s. Starting next month, I will be in my 30s.      This decade of my life has been a rather odd one. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago , my 20s started out smooth and went rocky really quick. So I will be happy to leave that behind in my 20s.      I feel like I've learned a lot about myself lately. More than I thought I would. This last week, it feels like a lot of the lessons I have learned in my life have been tested and fine-tuned in the fire of my chaotic work and personal life. I have come out stronger in the process.      I hear whispers of better things coming for me. Some of it has happened, but I have a feeling more in coming. I am trying to push aside my doubt and worry so that I can truly appreciate this good news without hesitation. Of course, it is difficult to do, given how much I wrestled with my doubt and esteem in the past. But now I know better. Now I know that these are products of a childhood...

     Sanctus Scriptor     This phrase has been repeated to me numerous times since I have been dealing with some personal matters.      I am sure of what it is. It's been something that was given to me a long time ago, albeit in a slightly different version. If you want to read the blog post tied to this, feel free to click here .      Long story short, when I performed my Affirmation of Baptism (aka Confirmation) in the Lutheran church, a voice spoke and called me Novus Scriptor. At the time, I assumed it was God's voice. But a lot has shifted since then.      Since then, I've learned that the god that inhabits that church is not the one I worship. In fact, the ones I come across in many Christian places of worship feel disconnected from the actual deity. On top of that, many of the spiritual guides I have encountered in the meantime were not found in buildings. They all enjoyed our encounters outside, especially nea...

      Introspection is the name of my latest game.      There is a lot I need to think about before my 30th year comes into play. There has been a lot of signs pointing me to it, and a lot of random signals that I need to spend my time thinking about my life.      That is what I will be doing a lot this month.      It's not like I wouldn't anyway. September is always a time for me to reflect and figure out what I've done right or wrong in my life. There is also a thing about decades coming to a close and reflecting on what I've done in my 20s.      If only I could remember the details that far back.      I know that my 20s started out smooth, but went rocky really quick. Before I knew it, my 20s were riddled with the fun mishaps of college, work, and overall chaos that would quickly bring me to where I am now. Overall, if I had to rate my decade, it would be a 7/10 with room for improvement in the ...

 The lessons came fast for me this year.      No longer could I get attached to people. No longer could I give my energy to everyone. No longer could I allow my moods to be affected by other people's moods.      These lessons are harder to swallow than most.     Being attached to people has been a problem of mine for ages now. Ever since my younger days, I have always grown an attachment toward one particular individual to the point of obsession. I would pray to God every morning and night to give me this one small wish and I wouldn't ask for anything more. As time moved on, I realized that these individuals I was wishing for did not want me in return. Because of that revelation, I fell into relationships with people I hadn't given the time of day to, but I was happy to have their affection. I would spend months or years with someone, absorbing their affection, until I would realize that I didn't actually like this person much. Then I would b...

 Hello incels, nice guys, and nice girls,     I would like to remind you before I go on my little ramble that my olive branch is still extended for those who wish to have a normal conversation with someone who is not a part of your social circles so we can best understand what is in there without all of the extra rumors and propaganda surrounding you. I will always be available, so don't be afraid to reach out anyway you can.      With that in mind, I want to critique you on one thing that I noticed that seems to fly under your radars when it comes to social interactions.      Do. Not. Have. Outbursts. On. Random. People.     I know it is difficult to do, given how being misunderstood or mistreated can cause someone to lash out and try to fight off the feelings associated with the situations.      On the other hand, if you see that these people you talk to just don't want to talk with you anymore, or they have stopped...

 Numbers. Signs. Cards. Runes.      All of them play into a journey I was not expecting to take at this point in my life. In fact, if you had asked me five years ago if I would even consider playing with these spiritual tools, I probably would have scoffed and reminded you that those were for other people, not me.      So what changed this?     The first thing I noticed was how often I was hearing things. Normally, that would be a sign of mental breakdown, and I would agree that about two years ago, I was going through a sort of mental breakdown. Looking back now though, I would assume that grief plays a part in how you cope with the unknown expanse of the spiritual world around you.      A few months after my father passed away, I noticed that I was hearing things. Not as distant echoes or incoherent phrases. It was clear words, spoken by voices that weren't any I was familiar with. It took me a while to realize that the voice...

      With the recent things going on at my work, I've noticed some weird human quirks that I want to call out. These are both things I've watched other people do, or it is something I've done that I need to fix.  Passive or Active Action     If there is anything I've noticed more than anything, it is that people love to complain. Of course, because of our negativity biases, our fellow people notice that complaining gives a response that is often more complaining. It seems like we all like to complain as a way of mutual compassion.      Where I have a problem, however, is when a person would rather complain than do something about their situation. Granted, there are problems where a person cannot actively do anything. Either way, it takes all of my restraint to not grip the person complaining and say, "Either fix it, get someone else to fix it, or find a new perspective."      In my life, I learned that constantly complaining a...

      Hola everyone!      Lately, I've been answering some questions on the Reddit page r/writing. (If you came to this blog post from there, hello! Welcome!) Lately, it's been mostly people asking for specific types of writing advice that don't really seem to get any attention in the general writing community. I feel some of these things need a space to be seen and maybe given some thought.      As I always say, take what I suggest with a grain of salt. The things I suggest should be taken in stride and at the pace you wish to take. You don't have to take on everything at once either.  ~ Developing Characters     When developing characters, there are many options. The one that works for me comes across as more of a casual conversation more than an interview or just typing random things. Usually, it involves me imagining myself being around them and casually asking them questions. It always starts with, "Well, is this something...

      Winter comes. Both the season and the entity.     He struts through the town square with his flashiest smile against his most minimalist clothes. Today, he and his roaming troupe of pranksters and jesters decided to look less colorful than rest of the Caelum crowds gathering around them. Caelum's color contrasts their more drab choice of fabrics.      "Is this how it really felt to be in the 'it' emo groups during the Forlorn Era?" He asks one of his friends.     "From what I got told, yeah. And this feels awesome. Rebellious in its own way." The friend answers. A few others snicker in the back, but say nothing when Winter spins to look at them.      There is a bit of a quiet tension before Winter spins back around and resumes his walk toward a particular building. In fact, it was the building in the center of Caelum. A beautiful thing with grandiose spires that could give any tourist neck pains just from looking up ...

 Hola everyone!    Thanks for putting up with all of my catching up these last few months. Even though this is slotted for the July 23rd slot, I'm currently writing this at the end of August. Take that how you will.    I'm looking ahead at some of the other things going on in my schedule for the year. Honestly, I can't say how intense the rest of 2022 will be, but no doubt there will be a lot to take care of.  I still have November Novel Writing Month to do. That will still continue, no matter what happens. I have to write the fourth story, after all. I will be working on the Ultimate Character Database for my omniverse during the month of September, which means a new Google form and possible corresponding Google Doc will be made available soon.  Blog posts will keep flowing in, as intended. Depending on how my schedule looks for the rest of 2022, they will be written during my once-a-week streams I am thinking about taking on. Regardless, I'm still go...

    Okay, I need to make this short or else I'm going to ramble on about it.      What is up with cleaning videos online?     For context, I've been watching these videos on this playlist   for a few days now. I mainly keep them on as productive background noise. Apparently, I feel the urge to be productive when I hear other people being productive. No idea why yet, but I'm sure I'll figure that out at some point in my life.      Now that I've watched some of these videos multiple times now, a few things have stuck out to me that I need to get into writing.  Why are the majority of them females? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that it is something a bit more family-friendly compared to a bit of the more popular dance or acting videos I've seen around social media. But I just don't understand why the guys haven't cashed in on this market. Not only is it a perfect market to show that men know how to clean, but it's also a grea...

 "Alright. That's it. I'm done sending you all on RECANI assignments for a little while." I throw my hands up and behind my head. It's been a rather odd two months of watching Gen and Amethyst find and record all of the information they had so far.   "Oh, come on now!" Gen screams at me through the Inane communicator on my desk. "We just barely got started! We have a whole list here!"     "A whole list?" I ask.      "Yes, with at least over three dozen files ready to be created." Amethyst chimes in.      I wonder if they are both in the same room and conspiring together to do something that's not their original duties. "Three dozen?"     "Over three dozen." Gen corrects me.     "Thirty-nine, to be concise." Amethyst adds.      "There are that many random things in my world-building that no one mentioned to me before?" I wonder as I lean back. Transcribing their first ten from my fi...

  RECANI 010 Location: Various planetary structures in Creator’s Omniverse during the Fallen and Forgiven Eras Description: Structures built of either stone, metal, wood, or other minimally-processed natural items that form to be approximately 300 cm in height, 300 cm in length, and 30 cm in depth. When a specific item is thrown into the hollow interior of the structure, a strange mist forms in a specific corresponding color to the item. If an entity passes through the mist, they teleport to another planet within the Creator’s Omniverse. Currently, all discovered structures remain intact and usable. Scholar’s Information: These are portals to other planets within the Creator’s Omniverse. As far as any entity is concerned, there have been no diplomatic attempts to make contact with those on the other planets to establish any sort of agreement concerning trade, alliances, or cultural exchange.  Further Instruction: Discover more 010 sites and activate them. Make contact with oth...

  RECANI 009 Location: Unknown Location on planet X-elia during Forgotten Era Description: A golden replica of a tapered root vegetable that measures 16.5 cm in length and 1 cm at its widest part. Replica also has realistic foliage at the widest part that measures 16.5 cm in length. Currently it is carried by an obsessive entity living on the planet. Scholar’s Information: No one in Caelum’s sacred libraries is sure of where or how this object came to be. There are no official documents on the item, but there is one text found that may hold some answers. This text is a copy of “The Times of Fellcus Dark,” an incomplete journal that was found in the digital libraries of the Creator. In it, the author describes the object as some sort of item used to pleasure another individual only referenced as “mistress.”  It should be noted that -upon the Scholar Collective reading this information- a majority claimed to experience either nausea or euphoria at random intervals. Attempts were...

  RECANI 008 Location: Various cities in Florida, United States during the Forlorn Era Description: Human entities who are drugged with various combinations of synthetic cathinones. Effects of this drug use can vary from dizziness, hallucinations, or a trance-like state that lasts from an hour to a full day. Currently, there are no cases of a similar incident happening to the best of our knowledge. Scholar’s Information: This seems to have started either as a prank or a random happenstance from a resident in the area. At the time, the addition of synthetic cathinones (referred to informally as “bath salts”) to the body could produce effects similar to how the Void influences the minds of those who live in our current Forgiven Era. It is not entirely certain if the Void learned of this strange incident and used it for its own gain. Most of Canlanma and the Arrunta’s social structure discourages the experimental use of synthetic cathinones in this way. Further Instruction: Take infor...