The Choice I Made

   "This is what you get for trying to advertise too much at once. First a video, then you mentioned a blog, when really you wanted people to pay attention to the poll. Great going, Ani." I stare down my computer screen and refresh the page. I refresh it again. Again. Again. Again. I see the same thing I see with every refresh: the two votes I cast myself to get the ball rolling. Amethyst has been sitting on the floor to pet my dog while I give a low huff of frustration. She looks up at me. "What did you expect? Did you expect the heavens themselves to send their armies of angels to help you decide on what should go on your blog that hardly anyone reads unless you post it somewhere in Discord?"

  I glance back to her. "You know, for someone who is supposed to be more supportive... You sound a lot like your mother right now." (A sidenote: Her mother is one of the most unpleasant entities I've had to work with. Without going into details, she's cold, cruel, and rather detached from the rest of the world.)

  Amethyst rolls her eyes. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be rude. Just being honest-"

  "Honestly rude." I counter. 

  "-about the situation you are in. You through a lot of stuff at people for your first video in months and just expected them to do all the things you linked to?"

  My eyes finally glaze over. "I wanted someone to at least have an opinion on the matter. I wanted to feel like my blog had some sort of viewership-"

  "Alright, stop. You're annoying me, and you're going to annoy the people who come to read this." Amethyst gets up and puts a hand on my shoulder. "I know you are going to type this exchange out for your blog. I don't know why, but I guess you think people find it entertaining. But that's not my point. My point is that you don't need to always have the opinion of your readers. Just do something you've been wanting to do for that twelve week span and call it good. No need to get wrapped up in what everyone else thinks."

  I take in a deep breath. She had a fair point. As much as I would like your opinions on some of the things I chat about, I also know that I would like to do some things on here. "You're right. I think I will focus on the Catlanma: Street Level thing I was interested in."

  Amethyst raises one eyebrow. "You think you will?"

  I see the point she is trying to make. I look to her and nod. "I will."

  "Thank you. Now, go get that reading done you wanted to do for your book review thing you do. Unless you want to skip a month."

  "Oh, crap! Good thing I figured out what I wanted to do already. Thanks for reminding me." I quickly scoot off to grab the book, then scoot back to type out our little exchange. 

~

  In all honesty, I was a little down when I realized that the only votes I had on there were mine to begin with. I do that to get the ball rolling and to really track if my polls do get any audience without some sort of weird glitch or my occasional mental glitch that makes me forget to publish the link. As the song goes, it didn't matter in the end. I am just going to do my Catlanma: Street Level stuff. I think it would be fun, and I get to play with some characters from my book of ideas that won't really get mentioned otherwise. Plus, it will help with that wonderful thing called world-building! Yay! 

  My apologies if you thought that first bit was a bit ... cringy, if that's the right word? I wanted to share a little slice of my mental health and just my reaction to what happened. Even after a few hours of not staring at the results, it really messed with me. Maybe because I'm a bit newer to the scene and just wanted some interaction besides seeing the analytics on the Blogger site. The numbers only tell me who looks at the page. And as much as I would enjoy a larger audience for my work, I know that is going to take some time. 

  With all of that off my chest, I made my choice. Now, if you don't mind, I have some stuff to sort out before the end of September. Oh boy.

With Love and Strength,

Animus