Solid Ground?

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   Well, this year has turned me in directions I never thought it would. I sit with my family outside my house and wonder what has gone on with the year I have had so far. I have dealt with more loss and change than I could have ever imagined, not to mention the shifts in my own mindset that have propelled me toward this new life I find myself inhabiting.

  "I thought you were supposed to be paying attention to your family." Renegade comments quietly as she stands on the opposite side of my screen door. She has been there for an hour now, keeping her attention on my mother. I wish she wouldn't, but she won't listen to me at this point. 

  "I was. Kind of." I reply. "Just kind of thinking about my own things now."

  "Clearly. There is no need to think about them now. You are supposed to be living in the moment. Embracing your family's support and all that stuff that Gen talks about all the time." 

  I can sense Renegade's annoyance at Gen's choice of words when it came to my shifting mindset. Between the four of them -Ora, Gen, Renegade, and Amethyst- I have been shifting a little more toward a mindset that puts a lot of what I used to do and how I used to behave into a very sharp contrast than before. It feels wildly refreshing and equally horrifying to embrace this shift, no matter how necessary it was and is. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Do you think these changes will ever stop so I can get my feet back on solid ground again?"

  Renegade's gaze feels cold against the back of my neck. "That I do not know, Ani. That would have to be something to talk to Elyon about when you sleep tonight. But you have other things to wonder about now rather than what solid ground you can attain."

  "Right, right-"

  "Ani! Ani! Whacha doin' Ani? Are you okay?" My nephew interrupts my thoughts with his incessant tapping on my forehead and the questions. I snap back to my present moment and glare at him. He laughs and pulls back. "See? Now she doesn't know what she was thinking about?"

  "You little- What the heck was that for?" I yell as I stride toward him. He runs off laughing as I hear my niece Jade's boyfriend try to explain what is going on. I don't really care for what Jade's boyfriend has to say. I just want to kick my nephew's butt. He dives around me to avoid my strike, but I manage to pick up a couple of apples from the ground near our apple tree. I return to standing next to my sister. 

  "See? It does work!" Jade's boyfriend exclaims, "If you tap a girl's head, she will forget what she was thinking about."

  "I didn't forget. He's just a little brat!" I holler as I chuck the first apple. It hits my nephew in the center of his forehead. He acts as if he didn't feel it, but I know better: his brain restarted too. I chuck the other one and almost catch my nephew's girlfriend in the process. I apologize to her and duck into the house before my nephew can retaliate. 

  "See? You needed to be in the present!" Renegade comments jokingly as I pass her.

  "Tell that to that little brat who just messed with my head!" I seethe as I go to get another drink. 

  This year has been wild. I hope I can find some solid ground soon and not get tapped into insanity.

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