Ani Was Writing

 Concern     I am rather concerned with my progress or lack there of on any of the commitments I have made since the beginning of the month, let alone the beginning of the year. I have this nasty little habit of starting something, then either sticking it out to a bitter end or falling off the proverbial path toward progress. I'm surprised I have held on to some things for as long as I have.  Anger     I am truly angry with myself for my lack of progress. I don't like that I stutter with some of the commitments I make. What is my problem? What do I need to do to push myself beyond my motivation ceiling so I can get my stuff done? What sacrifice must I make to appease whatever forces are holding me back from this potential I want to live out? Shame     What must I give up? I know it has to be something. After all, what I am rewarded with should be equal or more than what I sacrifice. Am I sacrificing enough? I feel like I'm not. As much as I don't ...

   I stare at my screen on stream and wonder how I managed to stream this long back in October. Longer, even. I can't help but wonder at what part of my mind has changed since I last wrote like this. I snap back and go back to talking as I write. I disassociate and find myself walking around the park with the moon shining above me.      "Do you doubt the process again, Sanctus Scriptor?" I hear a comforting voice ask. I turn my head to see Elyon walking beside me, just as he usually does when I walk alone at night.      "I am not sure if I am doubting it. I just don't remember my writing being this long-winded and ... well, boring to read."     "And how do you know it is boring to read?"     "I mean, I figure that if I am having a hard time keeping up with the story, how is someone else supposed to keep up with it?" I ask hypothetically.     "The same way they keep up with your blog posts." Elyon jokes. "In due time a...

      "Look at all of this!"      Renegade stares at all of my writing. There is quite a bit of it on the Google Doc in front of me, but not as much as the last time she saw the writing I am doing. "Why are you writing my story again, Ani?"     "Because I need to refine it. All that gibberish needs to be tinkered with." I grin and keep writing while looking at the old writing.      "Just don't do anything super crazy, alright? I don't need a story that's as messed up as Amethyst's is now."      "I heard that!" Amethyst yells from my room on the other side of basement where I am typing. We both laugh. Renegade watches me write while I listen to some music and YouTube videos.  ~     Just a little something to let you all know that I am still alive, just busy. I have been doing a lot of stream writing on Twitch , but outside of that and all the job and skill-related stuff I am doing... Well, needless to sa...

 "You realize how lucky you are to have something when you are in a situation when it 's so hard to say goodbye."      -Simple MMO (mobile game) ~     I don't want to say goodbye.     So maybe I don't have to. Maybe I can simply spill all of my emotions into something tangible. Something to give all of my fervor a place to rest. Something I can send out into the world and hope you will receive it.      Forgive my rambling. It is late, and I am exhausted, and all I can think about is how much you annoy me. And worry me. And make me want to speak to you, even with how late it is.      But I don't dare. I have decorum. I know that you are probably asleep, dreaming of the things you focus on in your little snowy bubble. I will not disrupt that bubble. I know how hard you have worked to enforce that bubble to give you a sanctuary from the turbulence of the world beyond. I just wish I could poke my head in and feel like my ...