Ani Was Writing

      Well... so much for my grand plan, eh?     As you may (or -probably- may not)  have noticed, I only did one stream this past week: Monday morning on YouTube. Otherwise, I dropped off the face of the earth this week.      Why? No idea.      My best guess is that my body was super tired and needed some serious rest. I have a funny feeling it was due to my work situation and some other stressors in my life at this point. But hey, at least I can admit to problems at this point.      My apologies for the lack of streams. Hopefully, I will be able to make up for it in the days to come, and especially in 2023. Elyon's Love and Strength, Animus ~ NaNoWriMo Word Count (as of today): 8500

    "That's it. What's done is done."     I stare down at my phone, wondering why it had to be this way. Years of a friendship now basically cast into memory and an archive that I wish could continue. I stare up at Arthur. He stares back down at me, waiting to see what I do. I feel the pain flow out of me: my body is numb, my mind is blank, but my heart aches. I've been trying to deny that this could be the path but it is; I can see that now. "Why did this have to be the path?"     "You think this was supposed to be an easy path? That you would get everything you wanted, including the small hope of being with him?" Arthur smirks. "No. That is not the path. The path you are heading to has better things."     "I thought he was the better thing!" I scream. I feel my body shake with the rage and the hurt as I get up. Arthur takes a deep breath. "I thought it would be better with him in my life more often! I thought it would...

     I was thinking about something I never thought I would question.      Earlier this week, I found myself staring out the window and wondering whether or not optimism was a delusion. I wasn't feeling down or anything of that nature. It was just something I was thinking about while I was at work.      Optimism -at its most extreme forms- feels delusional. It makes some people seem like absolutely nothing bad or "wrong" will happen to them, even if their current situation is disastrously unfortunate. Everything will eventually be sunshine and rainbows for them, with or without their contribution. To all of that, I stamp a big "X to doubt." Sure, things can get better, even without your direct contribution. But to go about life thinking you have no control over how you can contribute to things would be a lie. At the end of the day, you have to contribute to your own fulfillment and contentment, whether directly or indirectly. Life does n...

      Why do I bother trying to plan things with a part of my family that are -according to my sister- "last minute wingers?"     Personally, I like to plan things. If I am having a party or some other type of get-together, I like to have an idea of who I invited, where I'm going to be, what time everyone is meeting, and what we are going to do. Depending on the event/get-together/whatever, I need to have the proper supplies with me to make sure everything flows and there are limited disruptions.      Apparently, for part of my family, this all can be thrown into the trash and stomped on for good measure.      To give a brief idea of what happened: There was a party that we had today. Very nice party planned, the venue was already picked out, and there was a time and date set in place. Great. But that was all there was.       Did we have a time to meet and figure out what needed to be done before the party starte...