My Spiritual Journey

     There have been a few questions about my spiritual journey in the last couple of years. Enough for me to go into some detail about it. 

    This started back in 2008. I was just being confirmed in my Affirmation of Baptism ceremony in my home church. As I sat in my cute white dress with my curled hair and clicking my white heels together quietly, I heard a voice command a single word to me: write. At first, I was confused. I looked around to see if someone was talking to me. No one was; everyone was listening to the pastor's sermon. My dad signaled me to turn around. I did, but I heard it again: write. I immediately reached for my scrap paper, a pencil, and the hymnal to use as a solid surface to write with. It was there that I began speaking to someone whom I would be scared to lose in my current stage of life. 

    At first, I called him God. It was the only name I knew to call him, being raised in a Lutheran Church. Being even just a basic Christian, that was all I knew to call him. I was to revere him, to treat every word I heard from him as liquid gold, and to constantly be repenting and worshipping until I could physically die and reach the pure joy of everlasting life and worship. It was my only source of confidence and pride. 

    For along time -basically high school- I neglected my faith in the hope that I could get through high school as quickly as possible. Even in college, I wasn't really paying much attention to it because I got too caught up in my fictional writing and the feedback I was getting for it. Not to mention all the friends I made from that four and a half years. 

    When I turned 25, I got so sick and tired of my home church and resigned my membership. I vowed that I would never "belong" to a church. I would never stake a claim as a member in a religious group ever again. It was at that point that I became a eclectic spiritualist. I would dedicate myself to my journey and see what was going on in this world that my religious background failed to show me.

    Later on, I called him Elyon. Elyon was a name I picked up from Ted Dekker, who I read a lot of during high school. Elyon sounded so much more graceful and more colorful than God. God now seemed like a title than a name. Elyon - "the Most High"- sounded me more like a person who genuinely cared for me and wanted to see me through my life and its many events. He was more relatable than before. More personal and someone I could go to when no one else could hold the answer to my questions. 

    Then, in 2020, my father passed away. I reference this often. He genuinely was a source of inspiration and perspective for me as I was growing up into the woman I became. Even when writing this, knowing that he has been gone for almost three years, it still hurts to know someone who was such an impact in my life is now gone. Dead, burned, and contained in an urn at my home church. Someone who helped me through so much. It is because of him that I have come up with my current take on religious groups and their versions of what "God" is. The statement is simple: If your "heavenly father" is somehow less of a being than my earthly father, then I refuse to give him (or her or whatever identifier you give it) any worship or consideration. 

    It was after my father's passing that my spiritual journey takes a turn into the wild world I enjoy now. I finally feel open to the universe that truly is, free from an attachment to any specific group of people. This journey truly feels like my own. Anyone who is attracted to my spiritual ideas is welcomed to stay or leave; I do not give much of a concern to that opinion from others. 

    I now understand that He is called EhYeh. It is a name that means "I Will Be." I learned it from this video from the Bible Project. It was a beautiful moment when I found it. It comes from the book of Exodus in the Bible. Most people know know the YahWeh (here condensed to YHWH to respect my Jewish readers. Apologies for the full spelling; I needed to spell it for those who are not part of your tribe.) and it is one that most people recall as a "name of God." It is considered the Divine Name given by EhYeh to Moses. It was this name that has sparked a new joy in me. A joy that I feel whenever I use it either mentally or aloud in my rituals. 

    I will still use Elyon when I speak to other people about it, only because it is the simplest and closest name that is relatable to people. It is one that is used in the Bible as well, usually as "El Elyon," I just don't remember where exactly at the time of writing this. But EhYeh is my diety. He is the Creator, the Destroyer, and the Preserver. He is the source of my joy, my peace, and my calm in the midst of storms. Through my practices and rituals, He has shown me the path I walk, one step at a time. 

    On this path of mine, EhYeh has given me Guides, or messengers. Those a little lower than the angels who are often seen as the gods/goddesses/guardians of other religious and spiritual institutions. They join the archangels and angels in bringing me messages from EhYeh about my path and how to stay on it to the best of my ability. 

    But there. That's enough rambling. It is getting toward my sleeping time for me, I am very tired today. If I get any more questions, I will gladly answer them either on stream, in DMs, or wherever they pop up.