Sequacious

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     Well, things have been interesting the last two weeks. You wouldn't have noticed from the blog posts. Maybe the tone of the book review. I'm not really sure. 

    The last two weeks have been me dealing with an emotion that I'm not super comfortable dealing with: anger. Or, well, the hurt that causes my anger. The annoyance. The frustration. 

    It started months ago when I was having a hard time sitting in church choir rehearsals. People in that group don't drive me crazy often, but lately they have been. Or had been. I decided to leave church choir for a little while. I haven't decided if I am going back after Christmas, or if I am waiting until August/September to go back. Still deciding on that with the five-ish weeks I have been now and when that choir will pick up its rehearsals after the New Year celebrations. I'm leaning toward August/September. 

    Then work kicked in. I don't usually mind work, but all the little annoyances in my co-workers really got to me. They would do things that were flat out unacceptable to me. I realized later it was because I have an expectation of co-workers when we are at work. I really shouldn't. Now I just killed my expectations of them and just leave a lot of them alone again. I don't really want to know a lot about their lives. They don't seem to want to know a lot about mine, which is fair. 

    To top it all off, my online life was starting to get really annoying. It's hard to be happy to get online when a lot of people are either panicking or -at the bare minimum- freaking out about things that are happening all day long instead of just feeling the emotion for a little bit, then buckling down and working on making that thing more bearable. Most of it was related to the US elections last month. I just... I have so many thoughts. So many that would probably make small bubbles of the internet very upset about my view of things. But I have learned that my level of detachment from things has helped me deal with a lot of the social media chaos a bit better than most who just feed into it. 

    But there was something I am not good at: not blindly following my emotions. 

    I am very good at letting bottled up emotions lead me into some rough situations. Especially around others. 

    So for the last two weeks, I have been learning to not let my bottled emotions lead me around so nicely. I will fight them a little more. Hold them up to the light and actually express them in better ways. So hopefully, I will be better about all of this for the rest of 2024.

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