Holding It Together

   There are times where I am reminded of something darker in my mind that I really need to take care of. 

  Heading into this month, I am just really tired of everything. I'm tired of people, of places, of things, of just having to be around. But I know I am needed to be around the people, places, things, and times. It is part of living, I suppose. 

  I have often wondered what it would be like to have a time where I could not do that. Maybe it is the fact that 9 May was the death anniversary of the last lover I had, and losing him still messes with me. Coming to grips with potential realities that either mean I am alone the rest of my life or that I may find someone to love bothers me. But I know it is something I need to deal with. It's been eating me on the inside for almost a year now. Or, well, basically a year now. Probably longer than that, if I'm honest. 

  I am still struggling. I feel it. It probably isn't helping the regular monthly migraines I get that coincide with my monthly cycles (not just the one you are thinking of, but some other ones I pay attention to). It probably isn't helping my body in general. Perhaps I just need to really fall down this rabbit hole so I can deal with it properly.