Ani Was Writing

This is my last post in my 20s. Starting next month, I will be in my 30s.      This decade of my life has been a rather odd one. As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago , my 20s started out smooth and went rocky really quick. So I will be happy to leave that behind in my 20s.      I feel like I've learned a lot about myself lately. More than I thought I would. This last week, it feels like a lot of the lessons I have learned in my life have been tested and fine-tuned in the fire of my chaotic work and personal life. I have come out stronger in the process.      I hear whispers of better things coming for me. Some of it has happened, but I have a feeling more in coming. I am trying to push aside my doubt and worry so that I can truly appreciate this good news without hesitation. Of course, it is difficult to do, given how much I wrestled with my doubt and esteem in the past. But now I know better. Now I know that these are products of a childhood...

     Sanctus Scriptor     This phrase has been repeated to me numerous times since I have been dealing with some personal matters.      I am sure of what it is. It's been something that was given to me a long time ago, albeit in a slightly different version. If you want to read the blog post tied to this, feel free to click here .      Long story short, when I performed my Affirmation of Baptism (aka Confirmation) in the Lutheran church, a voice spoke and called me Novus Scriptor. At the time, I assumed it was God's voice. But a lot has shifted since then.      Since then, I've learned that the god that inhabits that church is not the one I worship. In fact, the ones I come across in many Christian places of worship feel disconnected from the actual deity. On top of that, many of the spiritual guides I have encountered in the meantime were not found in buildings. They all enjoyed our encounters outside, especially nea...

      Introspection is the name of my latest game.      There is a lot I need to think about before my 30th year comes into play. There has been a lot of signs pointing me to it, and a lot of random signals that I need to spend my time thinking about my life.      That is what I will be doing a lot this month.      It's not like I wouldn't anyway. September is always a time for me to reflect and figure out what I've done right or wrong in my life. There is also a thing about decades coming to a close and reflecting on what I've done in my 20s.      If only I could remember the details that far back.      I know that my 20s started out smooth, but went rocky really quick. Before I knew it, my 20s were riddled with the fun mishaps of college, work, and overall chaos that would quickly bring me to where I am now. Overall, if I had to rate my decade, it would be a 7/10 with room for improvement in the ...

 The lessons came fast for me this year.      No longer could I get attached to people. No longer could I give my energy to everyone. No longer could I allow my moods to be affected by other people's moods.      These lessons are harder to swallow than most.     Being attached to people has been a problem of mine for ages now. Ever since my younger days, I have always grown an attachment toward one particular individual to the point of obsession. I would pray to God every morning and night to give me this one small wish and I wouldn't ask for anything more. As time moved on, I realized that these individuals I was wishing for did not want me in return. Because of that revelation, I fell into relationships with people I hadn't given the time of day to, but I was happy to have their affection. I would spend months or years with someone, absorbing their affection, until I would realize that I didn't actually like this person much. Then I would b...