I'm Just Saying

    The lights call out to me like sirens, asking to take my mind away to a place of electric red and blue ectasy. If it wasn't for the whooping of the police sirens, I probably would be more enticed to fall into their hypnotic heaven. 

    "Sir, come back to your senses. You dozed off on us again." The male officer snaps his fingers next to my ear.

    I blink and focus on the officer again. It's a little hard to through the haze going through my body, but I can manage it. I take a breath and see my dragon smoke touching the officer's face. The female officer behind him sighs. It's probably about me. I haven't really been on this plane for more than five minutes at a time. My haze has been gracious to me tonight. Thank the universe for that. 

    "Sir. Do I need to take you to the station?" The male officer asks. Has he been trying to get my attention this whole time?

    "Sorry, my dude. I just-" I feel my world do that weird Dutch angle camera trick I've seen before. This haze is really trying to get me away. "I didn't realize my haze would give my dude there a seizure." I point to the ground where I thought my friend was. I look down; he's not there anymore. Did they already take him away. 

    "Your friend?" The female officer calls back to me. 

    "Yeah. My friend Dave. He came over earlier asking me to give him some of my haze. He and his girl have been having a rough one. He needed to escape the plane before he did something he'd regret." I see the officers nod to each other. Was there something going on? Were they looking for Dave? I hope not. The universe needed to deal with him, not these two. "Anyway, I gave him some. He told me to add some of my spices to the haze. I hesitated, but I figured he needed it."

    "Spices?" The male officer repeats.

    I might as well 'fess up now. No point in hiding much. It's not like I'm a criminal anyway. "Yeah. They are in the living room." I point back behind me to my house. "It's just a variety of salts and stuff. It makes the haze smell and taste better. Nothing really potent. Makes my house smell like a spa that those crazy rich girls from the college go to when they're bored on a Saturday."

    "Right. So that's what Dave asked for? Who did you get that from?"

    "Yeah, Dave asks for it a lot. I just don't like giving it to him all the time." I laugh at the time Dave begged me for it. He was drunk; like, really drunk. So drunk that all he could do was crawl on his hands and knees to get to me. He asked with what I thought was English; for all I could tell, it was the language of sloths. He clamped onto me like one too. He didn't let go of me until his girl flashed us and he crawled back on her to feel her up. Weirdest night of my life.

    "You didn't tell me who you got your spices from." The male officer brings me back to the plane again. 

    I shake my head. "Right. Right. Well, I make it myself. I have a blend that I learned from Dave, who learned it from some other random hippie. But I add more Epson to it because it makes the spices smell a lot nicer."

    "Epson? Like, Epson salts?"

    "Yeah. Yeah." I try to think back on what combo of Epson I used this time around. I knew there were at least three in this blend. I just couldn't remember which ones. "Three different ones. Can't remember which ones, but I think they would be in the kitchen."

    The male officer motions to the female officer with his head. She takes that as some signal to go check out the house. She looks to me. "Can I go in and take a look for you?"

    "Sure, I guess. Just don't take all my haze. I'm going to need some more of that after all your questions." I can hear the female officer laugh at me as she walks in. What a jerk. 

    "So, you gave some haze to Dave. Do you remember what happened after that?" The male officer continues our conversation.

    I stare at him as I try to think aloud. "Well, he took a really big breath of haze. Like, one that normally makes him cough. But he didn't cough this time. He just sat there, holding it in. That's when he fell back and smacked his head on the floor." I hear the head smack in the back of my mind. "I was panicking inside my body, but I couldn't show it. I was a prisoner in my own body for a minute. He just laid there, not moving. He finally let his breath out, and it poured out of him like a smokestack from that concrete plant outside of town. I thought he died for a minute. He just laid there with his mouth open. He closed his eyes and just laid there. I could see he was breathing, but it didn't look like it was enough to keep him alive. I was panicking like crazy, but that haze kept my body frozen. And then his muscled twitched a lot. You know how your muscles twitch if you use them too much but they want to keep going after you relax?"

    "Yeah, I know that." The male officer laughs. "So Dave was doing that?"

    "Yeah, yeah. It was all over his body. It started with his hands and feet, then went through him like a wave all the way to his head. I froze on the inside at the sight; it looked literally like a wave of water went through him. But then he just jolted upright. Like one of those freaky dolls from those movies I used to watch as a kid. He looked at me and gave me that creepy psychotic smile he used to make whenever he wanted to scare me. I couldn't move though; I was screaming on the inside though. He took another breath of haze while he looked up and down my body like I was his chick. It was really weird. Then he asked me if I had a knife in the kitchen."

    "He asked you for a knife?"

    "Yeah. Yeah, it was creepy. He didn't even sound like himself; the haze must have made his voice all distorted for me. I nodded to him. He got up really slowly and brushed my hair with his hand while he went to the kitchen. I didn't see him for a while, but I heard him looking through drawers and stuff. Then he came back and..." I look down at my feet. "Oh... what the... where are my legs?"

    "Easy there." The male officer comes down to his knees to keep my eyes on him. "We think Dave did-"

    "Dave did it! That jerk cut my legs off while I was still trapped in myself!" I blurt out. "He tried to cut my arms off too, but then someone knocked on the door and he got up and went after them!" I tried to get up but the male officer holds me down. "He's got my knife! He's going to kill them! I need to-"

    "Sir, it's okay! My friend already took care of Dave. He's not going to hurt anyone." 

    "He better not. I won't be giving him any more haze if he does."

    The male officer gets a call on his radio. He leaves me with one of the other people and gets back in his car. I really hope they find Dave. I want my knife back. And my legs.