Walk Into The Bar

I only wish I was kidding. 

    I thought it was bad enough that my husband left me for some troll of a hoe. Caught them in our bed, even. Typical tale, huh? But here I am, having the time of my life with my long island ice tea and my tears. At least the bartender is leaving me alone at my little table. 

    But I thought I was going to stay alone until I saw a cat land on my table. It looked like an odd cat, running around on my arms and picking at my hair. Then someone sat across from me, looking worse for wear than me. I thought she looked familiar, and I was right. 

    "Hey Mrs. Benson! How's it going?" The now-adult woman said. "You remember me, right? Paige?" Paige. Oh, sweet Paige. Used to babysit my kids during the summer while my husband and I had to work. I spent many days in that hot office, the fan turned up as high as it could go without making too much noise, wondering how Paige was enjoying herself with the kids on their adventures. I was jealous of her, I admit. But the money needed to come in so the kids could move out someday.

    "Oh, hey Paige! How have you been, girlie?" I hiccup. It's my third tea this evening, and I've been here for a few days now. 

    "Good, good. You doing okay, Mrs. Benson? You look like I did an hour ago." I hear her hiccup herself. Was she drunk too? I remember she turned 21 and went to college last year. I guess I have a new drinking buddy. 

    "Well, no, honey. The husband got caught messing around. So I'm... I'm handling it." I feel the cat comb through my hair and wonder how messed up I am right now. 

    "It's okay, Mrs. Benson. Greg and I can help you get some awesome vengeance if you want."

    "Greg? Who's Greg?"

    Paige points to the cat in my hair. "You know, Greg. My- oh, wait, I haven't been here for a year! Yeah, Greg is my emotional support capuchin. I got him from a monkey sanctuary because he needed more personal attention than he was getting. So I brought him home and I take him everywhere with me." Then it all clicks into place. I feel sober for a moment. I feel Greg climb off of me and onto Paige. "But hey, if you are up for getting some sweet, sweet catharsis from a night of revenge, we're your team! I mean, I'm a bit drunk myself, so we'll have to walk to your house or call an Uber. But we can go help you with Mr. Benson and his little problem."

    I smile. "That sounds like an amazing idea. Let's call an Uber, Paige. We're going to need some supplies."