I'm Done for a While

 (TL,DR at the end. Slightly-brief post in bold text. Sorry for the long post.) 

   Yeah, don't worry. You read that right. (I would also note that this is future-dated in the link to keep up with my pattern of posting on Saturdays.)

    This has been a long time coming, especially for those of you who have read my blog since last year. I have talked about my social paralysis and general aversion of online life for some time now, and the final straw came today.  

    I had already eliminated a lot of the social media off my phone due to complete boredom, but I still had TikTok. Of course, as one usually does, I hopped on to kill some time between work shifts. As I opened up the app, I noticed I had multiple notifications. There was only one, however, that stood out to me: 

    At first, I was a little shocked. For those of you who don't know, I haven't made any content for TikTok because of a personal goal of mine. So then I was a bit confused. So I clicked on the notification to see what the comment mention was about. 

    It was about spam-liking.

    For those of you who are unfamiliar, "spam-liking" refers to a way that a viewer can interact with a creator on TikTok. This usually implies that someone simply scrolled through TikTok, didn't watch the whole video, and simply hit the heart that indicates they liked it. For TikTok creators, this is generally considered to be the worst method of interacting with TikTok videos. It is a minimal effort way of viewing the content many creators put on TikTok on a regular basis. If it is done often enough, it can lead to a decline of content spread and essentially being "shadow banned," which is the algorithm's way of saying, "It looks like no one wants to watch your videos, so we are going to show it less."

    For those who are familiar with creating content and advertising yourself, having your content shown to less and less people is not a great thing. It limits your ability to achieve whatever goals you had in mind when you decided to share your content, especially if that goal is motivated by popularity, financial gain, or just general desire for influence in a social sphere.

    So, back to the interaction I had. In response to being called out for "spam-liking," I commented under my mention. The interaction was sweet enough, but by that point my perspective on things had already been soiled:

    I would like to clarify that I wasn't attempting to spam-like anything of this creator or any other creator on TikTok. I do my best to watch the full video before deciding if I like it or not, and I do occasionally save videos that I find really funny by either the "save video" function or simply messaging myself the video. It helps me find the older videos that I like to share with my family and friends during gatherings. 

    Also, this creator has often been on my feed, along with several others that I watch their videos and go to their profiles to go find specific videos I forgot to save or share with myself. Mostly because I am a silly person who gets catchy things stuck in my head a lot. 

    But being called out for it? It hurt. A lot. Probably more than I would like to admit. 

    But it also made me realize how I might be hurting other creators on other social media sites I use a lot. I don't make a whole lot of content myself, outside of a few streams, the occasional tweet to promote this blog, and a rare video of some chaos I was having. Generally, however, I don't find myself supporting a lot of the people that I enjoy in ways that social media algorithms find acceptable.

    This realization and all of its spiraling implications hurt. I don't like being a cause -big or small- of someone's inability to do what they want. Whether it is not sharing things, not commenting, not liking, not chatting in streams... It doesn't matter anymore. Thanks to this revelation, I realized how many people I could potentially be hurting with my lack of participation with their content. 

    And for that, I'm sorry. I truly am. To the point of tears. 

    As a creator on Twitch, Twitter, and here, I do also get flustered when things don't work out they way I wish they would. I wouldn't mind my own share of popularity. But at the same time... I don't have the drive to do that constantly. To have my name out there all the time. To be in the spotlight. (Those of you who have seen me interact in Twitch streams have seen this in real time with shout outs.)

    All of this is to say that I am done with social stuff for a while. 

    I have gone through TikTok and unfollowed a lot of the creators I used to watch. I will probably do that to Twitter at some point as well if my perspective doesn't get much better. I have done it often enough on YouTube and Twitch, but it means I probably won't be around as much. 

    My apologies again to the creators I either interact with or don't. I don't want to be in the way of your happiness. Even if I was barely a pebble in your river. 

    I am going to drop off everything for a while. The only three places you might see anything of me or my work will be on Discord, Twitter, or here. I need the time to truly process my impact on the world and if I even want to make an impact anymore. I will still be writing, and I still plan to come back in May to work on my next novel on stream. I just won't be around as much until then. 

    Thank you to everyone who has brought content into my life in the last 8 years of my online life. And my apologies to those who I've hurt in that time.

May Elyon's Love and Strength be with you all.

Animus

TL,DR: Got called out for spam-liking on TikTok and realized I am probably hurting other people's content on other places. Going almost completely offline until May (with the exception of Discord, Twitter, and here). I'm sorry if I hurt anyone or their content in the last 8 years.