A Tale for TriForceHero [Old Blog Repost]

  I can barely hear myself thing with all of the laughing going on. Samuel came in just in time to catch the last of it. “Remind me why there are four grown men playing with cards in the other room?” He asks, pointing to the closed door leading to a guest game room not too far from us. 

I flip a page in the book I’m reading. “Well, there are four Lords from the Plain-walking worlds who have come for a great game of Magic: The Gathering.”

“That doesn’t explain why they are here.” Samuel scratches his head.

“Well, the last time they played a game, they realized that their cards actually manifested into actual creatures and spells that nearly destroyed their arena. So I put out the invitation to play a game somewhere safe.”

“Right, because bringing them to Narnia was a great idea. Totally no magic around here.” Samuel sighs. 

“Better here than on Earth or anywhere else.” I argue. “Besides, these guys are just having fun. Nothing crazy is going to-”

“I can tell you are eager! You want to bust a load all over this table!”

Samuel and I look over to the door. “Who just said that?”

“Lord McDickery.” I reply passively.

“Lord what?” 

“Sorry, I should have told you who was in there. There is Lord McDickery, Lord Tri, Lord Ginger, and Lord SkullKrasher.” 

“Those are some... interesting names.” Samuel says slowly.

“To say the least.” I sigh. “But Conri reminded me that as long as I am a leader, I should show all the people I help a bit of hospitality and respect. So I am.”

“No, no, no, no, and fucking no!” I hear Lord SkullKrasher yell.

“I hate when people do this. Take your loss like a man!” Lord McDickery yells back.

“Well, I’m going to scoop, so you don’t get that victory. So go suck a dick. How do you think it feels now?” 

I hear the door open as Lord McDickery pokes his head out to look for me. His grey eyes scan the room and his brown hair flicks toward me as soon as he sees me. “Animus, let it be known that Lord SkullKrasher committed suicide because he is a bitch.”

“Oh, just choke on a dick and die.” Lord SkullKrasher calls from inside the doorway.

Lord McDickery closes the door as they begin another round of Magic. I cannot help but laugh and flip another page. Samuel sits on the floor next to me and lays his head on my thigh. “Where did they pick up their language?”

I shrug. “Probably from Earth. Conri mentioned that they spent a lot of time there.”

“Ah, come on! Ginger’s being a bitch!” Lord SkullKrasher seethes.

“Well, how about this then?” Lord Ginger counters. I hear cards and dice spill onto the table in a somewhat organized manner.

“Suck a dick and sell drugs!” Lord SkullKrasher screams.

“Wait, how was I a threat, you little whore?” Lord McDickery wonders. “You were a threat before I was!”

“I was not a threat until just now!” Lord Ginger exclaims. “And these two dumbasses-“

“I haven’t done anything! Oh wait.” Lord SkullKrasher remarks. 

“That’s a strike death.”

Things seems to quiet as they start shuffling cards again. Samuel and I enjoy the silence as they continue to play. It seems some of their energy has died down, but I sense that this is not the end of what the day will give me. 

“Are these guys drunk off of carbonated sugar or fermented sugar?” Samuel asks me. 

“I have no idea, honestly.” I shrug and turn the page in the book. “I figure that as long as they didn’t get into any serious squabbles or hurt anyone, what they drink or do in that room is up to them.”

I hear a bit of a squabble come up suddenly. I don’t catch much of it, but I can tell it’s about tapping cards. 

“Tap that, and tap that, and tap that.” Lord McDickery commands. 

“Dude, I am getting creature screwed here.” Lord SkullKrasher comments to Lord Tri.

“Wanna switch? I’m getting all the mana.” Lord Tri replies. 

“We should have just put them in a pile. No one will have to use them!” 

The conversation dies for a moment before coming back in full force. I thought it was done with how quiet it got, but I was completely wrong.

“No, you don’t get to jump back in while I’m tapping my shit.” Lord McDickery growls to Lord Tri.

“Fine, I’m leaving then.” Lord Tri huffs, walking away from the table. He seems to be getting another drink from the fountain and the food buffet in the room. 

“Tri, one of your goblins just died.” Lord SkullKrasher reports. 

“I don’t care!” Lord Tri reports. 

“It’s two damage.” Lord Ginger informs him.

“Eat a penis.”

“It’s two damage!”

“Eat a dick!”

“Oh, it is coming. It is coming. You don’t understand, it’s fucking coming right now!” Lord SkullKrasher exclaims. 

“This is nothing. I can do much better than that! He has nothing on me.” Lord Tri huffs. 

“Oh yeah?” Lord McDickery wonders.

“Yeah.”

“Oh yeah?”

“YEAH!”

“Right here, right now! Present!”

I hear a zipper being undone and the whole table getting up in arms. 

“Just save it! Save it!” Lord SkullKrasher screams. “Put it in a savings account, let it mature, and use it for later!” 

“Fine, fine.” Lord Tri says. “But I think we have bothered Lady Animus enough tonight. Let’s head back to our place and get some sleep.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” Lord Ginger yawns. 

I hear the door open and the four of them come stumbling out. Samuel gets up and leaves, not wanting to talk to them. I laugh and turn a page in my book. 

“I hope you gentlemen had fun. It sounded like you guys were having a fun time in there.” I laugh, keeping my eyes on the page. 

“I’m sorry, but Tri here was being an ass cookie.” Lord McDickery comments. 

“I was not!” Lord Tri retorts. 

“You guys are so nice to each other.” I chuckle. “There seems to be a lot of hate between Lord SkullKrasher and Lord McDickery once the games get going.”

“I don’t hate him, we’re just dicking around.” Lord McDickery jokes. 

“No, I actually hate him.” Lord SkullKrasher tries to say with a straight face. 

I can’t help but laugh some more. “It also sounded like you were having a great Land party during the game.”

Lord McDickery laughs for a moment. 

“What?” I ask. 

“No, I don’t want to say it now.”

“Might as well.”

Lord McDickery snickers. “Come over here and Land won’t be the only thing I’ll be tapping.”

The four Lords burst into laughter as I look over my page. They have all resorted to leaning on each other as they finish laughing. “I thought Lord SkullKrasher would be the one to say that to me, not you.” I smirk. 

“Okay, news flash, Animus!” Lord McDickery laughs. “SkullKrasher likes hearty Italian meatballs.”

“No, no, no. I like eggs.” Lord SkullKrasher winks at me. 

The other Lords burst into more laughter as they drag him out. Samuel keeps a wary eye on them from a distance as they leave. 

“Man, Magic is so much more fun when you have people to entertain.” Lord McDickery says to the others as they leave. “Thanks for letting us play here, Lady Animus!”

“It was my pleasure.” I nod to them. I hear them get in their vehicles and leave. Samuel comes out of the shadows and walks up to me. 

“Are you sure they are going to be okay?” Samuel asks, slightly concerned despite his lack of interest in them. 

“They should be fine.” I reply, putting down my book and grabbing my notebook and pen. “But this should make an interesting story.”

Samuel smiles, kisses the top of my head, and walks away, leaving me to write everything I heard from the room that day.