I Know A Soul (Gr)

I know a soul who couldn’t have enough. 

Normally, with the divine beings and the Big Guy Upstairs to keep us in check, that slumped simpleton would just sit in his little hovel with all of his favorite stolen toys. He was kept away from most of us while we were waiting for any sort of decree to either go to Heaven or go to Hell. He seems to have been longer than I have though, which I am a little annoyed by. I wanted that title, but it seems that he hoards titles himself. I have been told he got called a lot of things in his physical life, nevermind that he basically had everything he wanted and then some. Then again, rumor is that everything was not enough for him. It’s probably because his soul is as crumpled as his body became. I heard that the living beings found him dead in the physical universe in a pile of clothes, condoms, and currency. The name I normally hear him called is Avaritia, but that could just be one of the many titles or names he recites when he regales you with tales of his physical life. 

I saw him a long time ago, probably when I had been here long enough for people to learn my name. He came up to me while I was trying to relax and proceeded to tell me all of his names and titles. I guess a lot of them were tied to his physical life and decrepit mental state. He said he used to be the most honest and most hated person in the physical universe. I asked him about other beings I knew from his particular part of the physical universe, but he said he beat them all. He was very unstable. But as he was telling me this, he was stealing my stuff! I didn’t come with much that bore any meaning to me, but there were still some things to remind me of how good my life was! I tried to get it back from him, but he ran off cackling to his little hovel and threw it in the pile with the rest of his stolen treasures. I tried to go get back one time, but he just hissed at me and asked if I wanted to give him some body parts as well. I reminded him that we couldn’t do that here, which just made him mad. That’s when he stole some other stuff of mine that I thought I had stashed away in my hovel. He is a real jerk. 

Avaritia told me how the gates of Heaven were wide open when he went on a stroll around the edge of the Land of the Dead recently. He saw it just as he was thinking about coming back to check on his hovel. I am a little upset that I didn’t spot it first, but it didn’t matter to him. What mattered is that those heavenly gates were open and that they were taunting him. We have all heard about the treasures of Heaven and how amazing they truly are. Knowing him, he’s probably heading up those ladder rungs to the gates right now. He has always wanted to get there before anyone else, just like I have. But here I am, stuck talking to you about him. I’ll get over it eventually by burying it deep within, but know that I could be getting up there and stealing the stuff he really wanted before he had a chance to grab an empty suitcase. Not that he will be able to fit much of anything in there. I hear Heaven’s treasures are heavy and can easily be a pain to handle for those who weren’t allowed in.

Actually, now that I think about it, I should probably see if my stuff is easily accessible and get it back. It is mine after all, and it’s important stuff that is mine. I want it back. Maybe while he is still up there, I can sneak in. Though he does have that thing pretty rigged to go off and tell him when someone gets near it. I might have to think for once. But I’ll give that a thought in a bit after I make sure what he said was true. I want to see if the gates of Heaven really are just laying open. Maybe both he and Luxuria were right, which is annoying. Lucky him.