Ani Was Writing

Then again, you’re the soul I know that could sleep through the entire thing and not care about it.  You have always been like that, Acedia. I will admit, it seems nice to be able to just slump into the closest piece of furniture that Avaritia hasn’t stolen for his hoard. You really don’t have a care in the world, do you? You would rather sleep or daydream your way through the freefall of existence as we’ve understood it. All that matters to you is sleep, isn’t it? That actually pisses me off slightly. Your nonchalant attitude is something I wish I could adopt. Then again, I can’t. I have to be the one to keep tabs on all of us. Well, maybe not all of us, but at least most of us.  I remember the first time I ran into you, it was literally running into you. You were staggering along the path like those zombies the new souls have been talking about since they got here. I remember colliding into you. Do you remember what you did, huh? You groaned, collapsed into the ground, a...

I know a soul who has the energy of a thousand suns and they all wish for blood and gore. I remember the first time he came here. He was fairly new -just like I was- and the first thing he did was set their hovel on fire. I don't know where he got the ability to start a fire in a place where fire is only reserved for a fireplace or the river of fire between us and Hell, but he did. The next thing we know, a lot of us had to evacuate because he was too busy tearing everything apart and making sure any soul that was in his way was brutally wounded. Thankfully, he couldn’t kill us, though I’m pretty sure he would if he could.  Nowadays, he has been forced into a special section of the Land of the Dead that is built and rebuilt to keep him occupied. It basically looked like a small copy of the places in here that he could destroy and the divine beings could rebuild in an instant. It is a never-ending source of breakable things. I think they even tried to clone a few of the souls down h...

I know a soul who could outshine the best of the best. Then again, that’s all they claimed. They always came around in the best outfit with the best accessories, and carried out conversations that were more about them than the person they were talking to. It sends most of us in the Land of Dead running when we hear their heavy metal herald come by. We know it's them, and they want to show off. Sometimes you get really unlucky and they come to you and just talk until they get offended that you’re not listening. Then again, I wish I had your ability to offend them without saying anything. I try to get them off of me by insulting them, but it seems to only make them more unbearable.  Every time I see them, it’s the same routine. They announce their arrival with heavy metal and loud synthetic applause, then randomly walk up to another soul who is not expecting to deal with them and just start talking. At first, the conversation seems pleasant: topics of life, the universe, and everythi...

I know a soul who couldn’t have enough.  Normally, with the divine beings and the Big Guy Upstairs to keep us in check, that slumped simpleton would just sit in his little hovel with all of his favorite stolen toys. He was kept away from most of us while we were waiting for any sort of decree to either go to Heaven or go to Hell. He seems to have been longer than I have though, which I am a little annoyed by. I wanted that title, but it seems that he hoards titles himself. I have been told he got called a lot of things in his physical life, nevermind that he basically had everything he wanted and then some. Then again, rumor is that everything was not enough for him. It’s probably because his soul is as crumpled as his body became. I heard that the living beings found him dead in the physical universe in a pile of clothes, condoms, and currency. The name I normally hear him called is Avaritia, but that could just be one of the many titles or names he recites when he regales you wit...

I know a soul who wanted to swallow a mountain. Well, I say a mountain, but she was probably thinking of a mountain of orange chicken. She seemed to like that stuff while she was hanging out with me in the Land of the Dead. Then again, maybe that was why she wasn’t allowed into Heaven by the Big Guy Upstairs. He did seem to have a problem with the ones who could consume a lake of drink and a hill of food without batting their eyes. I doubt she could bat her eyes at this point anyway. I heard she died from a stroke while she was eating, which is why she hasn’t stopped since she got here. She rolled around everywhere down here, hovering up any food she could stick her tongue out for. I can’t imagine how she must have been in her physical life.  She once told me that she was a popular food eater in her physical life, but something made me doubt that. But the amount she could eat made me second guess my doubt. She seemed to truly gorge on anything she could find. One time, she ate my s...

I know a soul who could twirl any being they wanted around their finger.  As we all know, when you’re dead, your spiritual body carries the same traits as your physical body did. Well, this soul had it all when they were alive. Flawless skin, a figure sculpted of marble, eyes that glinted under the softest sources of light, and the aire of someone who wanted to caress every part of every other soul that walked through here. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them alone. There was always someone around them, whether it was considered to be of a similar species or not. Obviously, the Big Guy Upstairs was happy to keep them down in Hell. After all, you didn’t want someone like them running around the heavenly landscape and casually caress everything there. If there was a way to pleasure a soul of any type, they were surely the one to try and bring that pleasure. I heard that in their physical life, they were stunning and attracted all of their specific species easily. I mean, it didn’t seem...

     "Jimmy! Jimmy!" Mommy shouts for me. I get up and run to her. She is picking up my bath time toys and the soap she likes to wash me with. Bath time! I jump up and down in happiness. I love bath time! I run to the  bathroom so I can beat her there. I see my blue rubber ducky on Daddy's desk. What is it doing up there? I grab it off his desk and run into the bathroom.       "There you are! Come on. The water is nice." I hear Mommy laugh. I take off my clothes and jump in. I splash around with my rubber ducky. It feels funny. It isn't squishy, and I can hear something inside it. I shake it around. Mommy dumps my other toys in the water and pours water on my head. I want to get inside my rubber ducky to see what is inside. I shake and move my ducky until I see the little plug on its butt. What is the plug doing on there again? I use my small fingers to pull the plug off so I can spray Mommy with the water. I get it off and put the ducky in the wa...

   Hola! How are things?   I said I wasn't streaming this weekend, but I would like to go a little deeper into it here.    The main reason is burnout. I mentioned it toward the end of my NaNoWriMo streams , so I will just say the following: With all of the things I need to do, especially before the end of year, my decision to do the streams sucked a lot of my time and energy. It is this burst of streams that made me see how seldom I can determine and prioritize my tasks and activities.    Thank you to everyone who has supported me during my streams. I hope this doesn't disappoint those who enjoy my streams and wished me to keep up the daily content.   The second reason is my sudden aversion to online life. I haven't been super invested in the online communities and friends, probably due to the more recent of two ties that broke. I have been feeling a bit disconnected from the people and games that used to give me comfort. I admit, I haven't been r...

  There is a lot going on in my head.   It has been a week since my talk with my Guide, and I am starting to sense a shift in things.   Things are starting to feel a bit better. But there is more I need to do.   That is all I have to say this week. I have a lot of writing to finish up and some firepit time to savor.

      "The mystery is still unclear, Sanctus Scriptor?"     I know I shouldn't be up this late and now I am paying the price. A tiny Elyon appears next to my container of Lucky Charms and leans against it. I stare at him for a long time. "I really need to go to bed."     "You do, but I would like to have an answer to my question first." Elyon smirks.      I look up at my blog post from 2019 . It seems like that mystery was so long ago, yet so recent. I have been through so much since then. Most of it is loss. I lost two people in my life; I thought both would be around a little longer than they were.     "Having ties break is difficult, no matter how they break." Elyon commiserates. I put on a YouTube video to avoid some late night tears. "The mystery of growth and change definitely feeds off of chaos like that." I sigh and stare down at my journal. "I know it has torn you apart. But the mystery has given you the path you need ...

   "Dr. Ramm, we have found the source of the latest illness."   Dr. Ramm stares at his research assistant for a long time. This latest strain of coronavirus has been rampaging the planet for a long time. It caused too many things to go horribly wrong and refuses to give up. To have his assistant say this was like a brick wall collapsing on him. "You- You have?"     "It is strange, but I think I have something here. Well, we have an idea. Not just me. I just wanted to- I'll just get to the point. You look like you wanted to say that. So, from what I can see, the virus has been centralized to a place in China, or at least Asia as a whole. I really don't want to stray from the facts, but saying China just makes me think of the American rhetoric- Anyway, we have been testing everyone within China especially, and it seems that there is a certain group of people that have claimed to have it first. Well, they say they are the 'beginning of all illness...

"BUT I think there's an even more important decision you'll make in life. It's ONE huge decision... and it's a mindset question. That question is: IS THE WORLD FOR YOU OR AGAINST YOU?"  -Case Kenny, "New Mindset, Who Dis?" post from 8 October 2021      You know, I pondered this question a lot in the hours I waited for my laundry to be done. I read the whole post in an e-mail. Basically, you need to know the answer to this question because it will be able to change your perception of your reality. It is a simple dichotomy. Either the world is for you, so everything becomes a lesson or opportunity that encourages you to grow and change into something better; or the world is against you, so everything becomes a trial or a challenge that discourages your growth and change. It is probably not the sort of thing I should be trying to answer in the middle of the night as I hear the washer and dryer churn, but I do anyway.      For the longest time, I used to...

   Well, this year has turned me in directions I never thought it would. I sit with my family outside my house and wonder what has gone on with the year I have had so far. I have dealt with more loss and change than I could have ever imagined, not to mention the shifts in my own mindset that have propelled me toward this new life I find myself inhabiting.   "I thought you were supposed to be paying attention to your family." Renegade comments quietly as she stands on the opposite side of my screen door. She has been there for an hour now, keeping her attention on my mother. I wish she wouldn't, but she won't listen to me at this point.    "I was. Kind of." I reply. "Just kind of thinking about my own things now."   "Clearly. There is no need to think about them now. You are supposed to be living in the moment. Embracing your family's support and all that stuff that Gen talks about all the time."    I can sense Renegade's annoyance...

   "It's done."   I feel the tears clear up as I try to sleep. The voice is Amethyst's. I know what she did.   It is the closure of a part of life. Something I always thought would happen, but never wanted it to. It felt weird to say what I needed to say, or realize what I needed to realize. But after a long enough time, it needed to happen.    "Still riding the emotions?" Amethyst asks as she sits on my bed. Earlier, it was Archangel Jillian trying her best to comfort me. Now the Time Walker might try. Maybe. I'm not sure, and at this point, I don't care. Everything has finally changed enough. The warning signs of change were there.    In my mind, I turn over the whole conversations. Hours of circles, trying to get the facts straight and get the emotions calmed. I just wanted peace, but instead I was forced to contend with a darkness that I once embraced. It ended with as much of a bang as it began, and the whispers were as deafening as before....

   I am not sure why, but people in my life have been annoying me lately.    I am pretty sure it is because I am more jaded than usual. I am tired of others and the ways they choose to behave. It is tiring to go through life on a day-to-day level and know when and how a person will react to something, knowing fully that they can change if they wanted to.    It is difficult to see a solution and be unable to offer it without scorn or dissent.    I am not sure what to do yet. Do I just abandon my politeness and be blunt? Or do I try to ignore it and move on? All I know that stewing over it doesn't solve anything.

   You know, sometimes, things cannot be let go of.    Whether it is something said or done, it changes the outlook of existence. The entire axis of your world shifts and you are left behind in the remains of the old life you once had.    Don't you think it is time to let go?     To let go of the feelings?     To let go of the strife?     To let go of the pain?   Those things have their place. They are important in their place. In fact, they can help all of us shift with the world and its ever-changing existence.    As long as they remain in their place. Over time, however, they will fade. Even in their place, the feelings we hold onto fade. We don't feel them the same way every time.    So why try to hold onto something that changes?   Perhaps it is time to let go of the emotions and sentiments we hold so tightly to. To give up what grips us too strongly that we cannot move on. To drop the chains ...

   Do you want to save the world?   Do you want to make a difference in others' lives?   There is a simple way to do that.    You need to save yourself.    Does this mean doing this alone? Not at all! This journey need its companions and differing methods to get what you need.   Does this mean you will save the entire world? Well, no. But by saving yourself, you could save someone you care about. You could save your family by being the first. You can be an inspiration to neighbors and friends who struggle.    After all, they are in your world.  So in the end... Save yourself, save your world.

 Do you ever hit the point of social paralysis? That point where anything you say seems to either mean nothing or cause more harm than good. Because that is where I am.  I think.  That's all I can think of right now.  Social paralysis.

  I sit at my desk in my writing room. Amethyst told me to wait here while I stare into the open fire pit in front of me. Something about a messenger. I shrug and drum my fingers against the granite top. I know she has been on a hunt for new universes and people to be around, but I didn't think it would bear any fruit. She must have found something though. I hear her mumbling something about "you mad" and "weird cryptic messages" from time to time. No clue what it means yet, but-    I hear two sets of footsteps and look up. One is Amethyst with a victorious smile on her face. The other entity besides her looks strange, but curious: ashen skin, silver mountain goat horns, very humanoid, silver eyes, rather plain clothes that are not worth paying attention to. It is interesting to see such a contrast of colors on this entity. "Animus, this messenger calls themselves Justice."   I put my hands together and sit a little more forward. "Greetings, Justi...

   I try to press my head harder into my desk. The last few days have been a mixture of salt and vinegar with my computer. I finally find myself staring at the router. The blinking lights of connected internet mock me.    "You know, staring at the router isn't going to solve anything." Amethyst laughs at my unbroken stare. As she sees my persistence, her joking tone changes. "Come on, seriously. It was probably just the company handling a large load-"   "At 11 pm?" I counter as I point to the clock in the room. I hear Amethyst sigh and walk out. I wait to see what happens.    "Can someone please get Ani a snack and a long nap? I think she's losing it!" I hear her shout to the group downstairs.    I laugh. Typical Amethyst. 

 This little scene is based on a laugh I was having with family yesterday. I will explain at the end. ~   The pot shatters on the ground. I can hear it from out here in the garden. Then I can hear my daughter and her friend argue.    "Your mom is going to be mad at you!" The friend gasps.   "No she won't. I wasn't the one who broke it." My daughter says.    "Yes you did! Don't lie about it."   "I am not lying! You broke it, and now you're lying about it."   "Why would you say that? You know, lying makes people impure."   "You are lying! Now your family will have to go to the temple to pay for your impurity!" I chuckle at my daughter's knowledge of our laws.   "Nuh-uh! My father and grandfather already took care of that for me. I am pure already." The friend stomps her foot into the ground.   "They did not! That is now how the laws work!"   "Of course it is! Do you know who my father...